The Jedburgh Podcast

Hello friends! 

It's been a minute!  I'm hanging in there in NYC.  I retired from standup, got a promotion at my job, moved in with my boyfriend (just a few blocks from my old place), and am enjoying Post Vax Summer!  

Recently, I had the privilege of chatting with a pal from my hometown (Weston), Fran Racioppi, host of The Jedburgh Podcast. We talked about comedy, feminism, standup vs. improv, punching up/punching down, hustling in NYC, and being open to messages from the universe. It was such a fun conversation and Fran is more than just a former Special Forces Green Beret, the founder of FRSix, and a brilliant public speaker--he's also a wonderful conversationalist and a man who does his homework!

Click on the image here to be linked directly to our episode or look up The Jedburgh Podcast on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your pods. It was a really fun conversation.  Tune in! 

October 2018 - Bachelor updates, podcast, show, etc.

Hey lovers!

In the immortal words of Jim Anchower, it's been a while since I rapped at ya.  You last heard from me at the close of The Bachelorette, when Becca inexplicably selected anti-trans shitbag Garrett over America's sweetheart Blake.  It was a tragic end to a very dramatic season of The Bachelorette—more on that beloved franchise in a minute.

I had a lovely summer that included lots of beach time (my fave), plus had a summer romance that ended in early September.  It was too bad that it ended, but I was relieved once we called it off.  When a guy comes on super strong with declarations of love and excitement and fancy dinners and suggests travel plans, then balks when you respond in kind, it's a real mind fuck and it's hard to recover, act natural, and keep on smiling when your confidence has been killed.  And I don't think that he meant to undermine my confidence—I think he just sorta spooked himself and got in over his head. So it was a relief when we broke up because I wasn't at my best—in fact, I feel like I was at my worst.  During our last few weeks together, I second-guessed every word out of my own mouth, every joke, and every comment, which just feels crappy and it wasn't fun for HIM, either.  So that's all done, I wish him well, and now I shall go back to dating only men who work with their hands (ideally, in the profession of punching others in the face).

But enough of my personal shiz—let's talk about COLTON!!

The genius monsters at ABC announced Colton as the next Bachelor right after the close of Bachelor In Paradise.  I don't commit to B in P the way that I commit to The Bachelor/The Bachelorette because sometimes mama needs a break, people!  I tuned in occasionally—just long enough to watch Jordan and that nerd guy BE OBSESSED with each other, and Krystal and Chris (aka LITERALLY THE TWO WORST PEOPLE OF ALL TIME) fall in love, and lots of ladies wear tassel earrings (so hot right now), so I feel like I "get it."

Now let's talk Colton as America's VIRGIN BACHELOR.

We know him from Becca's season of The Bachelorette and pre-Becca, Colton not only hooked up with Becca's friend Tia (who I will always have a soft spot for because she's from Arkansas, where I have lots of family who I love), but he also dated Olympic gymnast Aly Raisman (who is a native of Needham, MA where I lived until I was 3).  And no, dear reader, there were NO visits to Hump City in either case.

Now, don't get me wrong—Colton is HOT AF, seems really fun and easygoing, is very smiley, gets along with others, and used to play professional football (YEZ YEZ YEZZZ PLEASE) so I am buying what he's selling, so to speak. I'm picking up what he's putting down, if ya catch my drift. Kid can get it, naaaaah mean???? 

But here is what's wrong with producers selecting him as the next Bachelor: he is being exploited for his virgin status.

WHAT!?

I thought that only WOMEN (girls) could be exploited for their virginity and sold as "child brides"  (a nice euphemisms for sex slave) to older men???

I realize that this fluffy blog post just got REEEEAL DARK but stay with me.

Colton is a virgin, a personal fact that he was hesitant to share with Becca until late in the season and a fact that he has previously kept hidden and, in some cases, lied about. Poor guy was a pro football player living The 40 Year-Old Virgin ("a bag of sand!").  That has got to be hard and he has been doing it for so many years, that I suspect that his virgin status has become so much a part of his personality, his life's journey, his identity, that it will be hard for him to part with that.

I mean, it's hella crass to have the Fantasy Suite episode roll up and to have America be like, "LOSE IT! LOSE IT! LOSE IT!" re: Colton's virginity. It is SO MUCH PRESSURE on the poor hottie.  If Colton is smart, he'll cash in his V card before his season starts, get in a few rounds of practice, and THEN hump 3 women in 3 nights in the fantasy suite.

But I'm sure he won't do that.

He has gotten SUCH a kind reception from Bachelor Nation for sharing that he's a virgin and discussing notions of masculinity and sexuality and how toxic they can be. I give him SO MUCH credit for sharing his story, owning it, and not being ashamed. Honestly, it's super refreshing and I have a TON of sympathy for how much pressure is on young men to "man up" and get head, get laid, drink beers, punch things, fit into heteronormative gender roles of what guys are "supposed" to be.

But I think that when something is SO MUCH a part of your identity, as Colton's virginity is to him, it's extremely unappealing to change.  It's like years and years ago when I stopped doing comedy and just tried to work and chill/watch TV at night.  It lasted a few months, then I got back into comedy because it's simply who I am. So  much of my own identity, my own self-assessment is caught up in the fact that I do comedy—I couldn't walk away from that.

So I will be curious to see if Colton EVER loses his virginity during his season. I imagine that at some point in his life, Colton will finally hump, but I wonder if he will do it while the cameras are rolling and the pressure is on, ya know? We shall see!

A few quick other things:

-In two weeks, I will be launching TWO WICK MINIMUM: A Candle Podcast for Candleheads (on iTunes and all those places where you can get podcasts). I am SO excited. The first season will be 10 episodes and each episode is a roughly 30 minute conversation between me and a fellow candlehead. We talk about all the HOT TOPICS in the candle community and have some laughs. It makes me so happy. My amazing producer is the brilliant Katie Compa and she is truly the reason that any of this is happening. I have been talking about doing a candle-cast for so long and it's finally happening! I'll alert you when the first episode is live, lovers!

-This weekend on 10/20, the variety show that I co-produce with my wonderful friend Lauren Maul, BITCHCRAFT, is back! We have a jazzy line-up of standups, storytellers, singers, and more! Doors at 7:00, show at 7:30, $5 at the door. Come on by!  We're at Sid Gold's Request Room (26th Street near 7th Avenue).

And of course I'll be recapping Colton's season of The Bachelor when it kicks off (January, I think).  Happy fall, friends! xoxo

10 Years in New York City

I just hit 10 years of living in New York City, the point at which, New Yorker’s say, you become a “real New Yorker.” I tend to think that promotion happens the first time you watch a stranger literally take a dump on the subway (in which case I’m a real New Yorker three times over), but that’s just my take on the issue. 

Two years ago I wrote a piece in honor of my 8 year anniversary of living in NYC and, upon re-reading it, it’s still spot on!  I still love this city and my life here and almost every night I run around performing comedy—it’s amazing.  I still pinch myself that this is my life.  

But I’m a bit more circumspect about things this go-round and perhaps it’s because 10 years feels like a more meaningful anniversary.  A decade in NYC—what do you have to show for it? 

Well, I’ll shoot you straight—my career is not quite where I want it to be and at 10 years in, I thought that I would be “farther along.” (Oh, this is going to be one of THOSE posts, is it? Yes, it is. If I can gaze at my navel anywhere, it’s here on my old blog where I can overanalyze my own, 90s style, still pierced navel.)

OK OK so, after a decade in NYC, I thought I would be farther along.  

But what do I even mean by that? I’m not sure.  What IS “farther”?  And who decides what it is?  And whenever I decide or you decide farther IS, is that something I even want? Am I happy where I am, however far that is? 

The answer to that last one changes by the day.  

Some days I feel great about where I am—I feel understood, I feel like a member of the community, I think that people know who I am and that I’m pretty funny. I get called in for commercial and sitcom auditions occasionally even though I don’t have an agent or a manager, and that feels great! (Tune into RED OAKS on Amazon Nov 11th! I'm in episode 7 and I'm shameless!)  Also, I truly believe that slow and steady wins the race and, as my sister Laurel and I have always said, Coppocks are never going to be overnight sensations.  We’re workhorses who will get our due EVENTUALLY, but it won’t come quickly or easily.  

But other days I look at my contemporaries and friends who have leap frogged over me—people I used to do open mics with or run around with who now have amazing careers and myriad opportunities presented to them, and while I’m SO happy for my friends to get their due and have these successes, sometimes I feel jealous and completely unaccomplished and think, “am I actually NOT funny at all and this whole thing has been a giant ruse of people booking me just to be polite?”  

But I know that’s not true. (Right?? Right gang? Gulp.) 

I’ve been living in NYC for 10 years, but I have only been really focused comedically for about 6-7 years, I would say.  And that’s because it took me a while to get settled in and learn the ropes and also, more important, it has taken me a while to feel like I deserve to be heard or I deserve opportunities and it’s still an ongoing mental battle.  I think that this feeling is like a cousin to Imposter Syndrome and I’d be willing to guess that a lot of comedians grapple with this one.  

As a comedian, you must feel that you have something to share, that you deserve to be noticed or listened to (even if it’s just silly, strange ideas), that you can contribute to the conversation in society.  And it has taken me a while to get comfortable with that.  During my first few years in NYC, I was extremely intimidated by the comedy scene—by people who had the chutzpah to produce shows, by people who had the confidence to dominate conversation with news of their own careers, by people who knew the right way to be a mover and shaker in the community.  So it took me probably 3 years to really plug in and start getting booked with some regularity.  But then I still had my ongoing self doubts and thoughts of, why would the audience care what I have to say?  I often doubted if I had anything to say that was worth hearing.  And often I still do—I have a hard time feeling entitled to things.  

That lack of entitlement comes from an overabundance of gratitude, I think.  I thank and yet blame gratitude for the fact that I have a hard time feeling entitled to opportunities.   

I’m extremely thankful for my life—for this pathway.  I didn’t love growing up in a small town—I’ve always been an old soul and I just wanted so badly to meet more people, to hear more ideas, to be in a bigger place—small town life wasn’t for me.  Throughout high school I was pretty fixated on college—I could leave my hometown and meet new people and I couldn’t WAIT.  And I never envisioned anything post-college.  I never imagined a wedding or family or kids—I just wanted to get out of my hometown and college would be that.  And I absolutely loved college—my life, my friends, my studies, my activities—it was amazing.  And then I was fortunate enough to live in Chicago and Boston and now NYC and it all just feels magical and miraculous.  I’m not an eye-rolling hipster and I can’t be a “cool girl”—I’m so fucking excited to have an apartment I love and a “normal job” the pays my bills and to be living in NYC and performing comedy and knowing a LOT of people.  I love knowing people! It sounds stupid, but I find it thrilling to pop by an event that your friend is hosting and then know this girl at this bar and stop by this restaurant because another pal works there and then run into another person you know on the subway—it’s amazing! I’m so grateful for all of it.  

Also, comedic success is a moving target and the pathway is often 2 steps forward and 1 step back.  A certain booker loves you and books you a bunch, then moves away.  You get passed at a club and are psyched about that, then the club closes.  You have a lead on a fantastic opportunity and then the project falls apart.  When you’ve been in the comedy scene in NYC for a while, you can’t help but get cynical about stuff—you have seen a lot of clubs fail and deals fall though and comedians with so much buzz just sorta fade out.  There’s no clear pathway of THIS leads to THIS leads to THIS.  So you just have to create because the creating is its own reward.  You tell the jokes because you love writing and performing and telling jokes.  And if something comes of it, GREAT, but if not, that’s OK, too.  

And I guess that last part is what I’ve been having trouble with lately—reconciling my feelings of gratitude to get to participate in ANY of this with my feelings of, where is it going? Will it lead somewhere? Does it need to? What is “farther along”?  

I don’t know the answer to that, but I’ll keep writing and performing because the doing is its own reward.  And 10 years into NYC comedy life, that’s all I know right now.  

Podcast - It's Not You, It's Us

Hello amigos!

I was recently on Jon Fisch, Kendra Cunningham, and Andy Fiori's fun,  new podcast, It's Not You, It's Us and you can listen to us talk about romance, relationships, and "my type" right here:

Bachelorette Kaitlyn: Ep 3 (Memorial Day Madness)

Monday night's Memorial Day episode of The Bachelorette involved boxing and stand up comedy--have the producers of this show been haunting my dreams?  I was just waiting for a group date to a hockey rink or a screening of GOON and my fantasies would have all become realities!

This episode starts off with Kaitlyn and Britt adjusting to her new statuses as THE BACHELORETTE and THE REJECT.  Britt attempts to cry as she tells someone on the phone (her mom?) that she'll be coming home but the tears just won't come.  But ya know who WILL come? BRADY!  The bizarro singer/songwriter who had a "real connection" with Britt and is knocking on her door and trying to make love happen.  Good luck, losers.  Meanwhile, Kaitlyn has a heart-to-heart with her new BFF Chris Harrison and before you know it, group dates are starting!

The boys have moved into the "Mansion" (can it still be called a mansion if it's filled with bunk beds?) and do the obligatory group shout with arms outstretched (there must be one instance per episode, ideally 2-3) then learn about the week's date schedule: 2 group dates and a 1:1 date.

The first group date will be Daniel (Drunk Face), Justin (resembles a thumb who hits the gym a lot), Jared (RI's finest restaurant manager), Corey (investment banker dude who resembles a hot Rick Perry), Tanner (sharp nose), Kupah (poor man's LL Cool J), Ben H. (button nose bland), and Ben Z. (brick shithouse HOTTIE).  The gang arrives at a warehouse last seen in the video for Marky Mark's "Good Vibrations" and are taught how to box by Laila Ali. I'm loving the feminist slant of this season! The guys train and Laila informs them that the day will end with a boxing tournament where weight classes don't exist.  Sounds both safe and fun! A guy who is 195 lbs attempting to fight a guy who weighs in at 225 pounds--what could go wrong!? Tanner admits that he has never been in a fight in his life (oh I believe you, guy), Kupah focuses a little bit too much on training and not enough on Kaitlyn (this isn't The Contender, Masshole, but that show DID rule), and Ben Z. reveals some nice tattoos.  Soon it's time for the bouts and lawdy lawdy that's some sloppy boxing.  I've never been in a boxing ring myself (other than this time I hosted a standup show in a boxing ring--no joke), but I did used to kick it with a film maker who covers boxing all over the globe and he got me into Team Pacquiao, so I'm pretty much a professional boxing commentator now.  And wow those brawls were hard to watch.  The final card was the David and Goliath pairing of Jared vs. Ben Z. that ended with Jared taking a hard punch to the ear/temple and Bachelor Nation watching a slow motion shot of a restaurant manager getting a concussion.

Welcome to TGIFridays, where every day is Friday! 

Jared is shuttled away by a doctor/union grip and everyone feigns surprise that a 170 lb guy just got pummeled by a 225 lb beefcake.  At the after party, Kaitlyn and Ben Z. bond over a shared love of food (you can't make this shit up), Drunk Face/Designer Daniel does a Miami Vice impression in a white suit and no socks, and Jared makes a cameo to get a pity kiss on the street. Ben Z. scores a rose from Kaitlyn proving that the way to a lady's heart is through your fat, bloody fists (AMEN).

Meanwhile, back the house JJ is feeling stunningly confident for a guy who has a crappy personality, bad sense of humor, and perpetual red wine teeth.

The next day is the first 1:1 date and who is the lucky lad? Clint, the long haired Jake Pavelka. Kaitlyn and Clint cruise the Cali coast in a classic Mercedes convertible (top up to protect the hair--good girl) and Kaitlyn says that she CAN drive stick (damn straight, girl) then they arrive at a gorgeous villa where they'll get dressed up for an underwater photo shoot.  Apparently photos of couples underwater are all the rage with engagement photos these days. Good God.  I find the concept of engagement photos to be unnecessary enough, but friggin' underwater engagement photos? When will it end!? The wedding industrial complex is unstoppable and all I want is a small wedding in a steak house. Am I a meat eating simpleton? The photos are surprisingly cool, despite the America's Next Top Model degree of difficulty.  Clint and Kaitlyn dry off and share a lovely dinner and intense make out.  Clint gets a rose.

Meanwhile, back at the house Tony (the "healer") has a major problem with the boxing challenge, spouting off proclamations that love shouldn't be about competition or fisticuffs.  Did no one tell him that he's on The Bachelorette?  He then mixes up the names Britt and Kaitlyn as he declares that he's into HER, but is she into him?  Sounds like Tony is already breaking down and it's only week 1! If only the healer could heal himself.

The next day is the final group date of the week and the crew is JJ (arrogant loser who comes off as rapey-er than a rapier), Jonathan (arm tats, casual style), Joshua (redheaded sweetheart), Chris (cupcake guy whose appeal continues to elude me), Ian (HOTTIE WHO I WILL NEVER STOP LOVING), Joe (BYO-Whiskey hot redneck), and Tony (healer who STILL has a black eye, despite his hatred of fisticuffs).  JJ is hoping that their challenge will involve stand up comedy because he's always wanted to try standup and OF COURSE HE HAS! It's always the most clueless, insufferable guys who approach me after a show and say that they have "always wanted to try standup" and they assume it's easy but they have never actually gathered the nerve to DO IT.

The boys get a lesson in standup comedy by none other than Amy Schumer, whose eponymous television show is absolutely perfect.  She has a stacked crew with her--the hilarious and lovely Rachel Feinstein, the riotous and kind Nikki Glaser, and the brilliantly bonkers Bridget Everett. Holy talent explosion, Batman! In his meeting with Amy Schumer, JJ tells her that his pick-up line is "I'm divorced, have a kid, and live with my parents" and Amy attempts to teach him what a pick-up line is and also what COMEDY is, to no avail.  He insists that he's smarter than the audience and THAT is what gets him in trouble (spoken like every sucky comedian who bombs because he's smug and unlikeable) and Amy assures him that he's not that smart.  Thank you, Amy.

The ladies try to school the boys, but these boys don't have the funniest instincts.  Ian makes fun of Juan Pablo (nice work), Tony rambles and fails to land a single punchline, and Chris the dentist makes jokes about how the only thing he has to offer is a good body. Hey, at least he's self aware!

At the after party Kaitlyn rocks a fierce, metallic, retro short dress and canoodles with the guys.  Joshua admits that he's never been in love before, Tony rambles narcissistically about love, and Joe pulls Kaitlyn aside for a hot make out.  JJ and Kaitlyn have an intense conversation and for whatever reason, Kaitlyn doesn't hate this shitbag.  JJ talks about his daughter and attempts to sprout crocodile tears as he says that "it's killing me" to be away from her.  Yeah I bet, buddy.  It's killing you to be on vacation in Los Angeles living in an open bar mansion and going on dates with a woman who is completely out of your league.  I can only imagine how hard it must be for you.  Then, because nothing in life is fair or makes sense, Kaitlyn gives JJ a rose.

It's a mystery of science: How a man can lack both charisma
and good looks and yet somehow STILL be a smug prick. 

Finally it's cocktail party time and Kaitlyn is sporting yet another killer, sparkly dress. In a super sweet maneuver of team work, the guys in the house have agreed to let the few suitors who didn't get dates this week have first crack at conversation with Kaitlyn.  Solid move, boys.  But JJ has other plans and he says "sorry not sorry" as he grabs Kaitlyn the moment she walks in the house.  When the guys give him grief for being a pushy prick, he says that he reminded Kaitlyn of what husband material is (someone who will force you to talk to him and rob you of your agency? SWEET HUSBAND, BRO!).  Ian is pure class (hot class) and he takes Kaitlyn out to the front driveway and tells her about his single mother, Princeton, his running career, car accident, and recovery then says that he believes in putting his mind to things and he's putting his mind to Kaitlyn.  He's talking like he's reciting dialogue from a good rom-com and I LOVE IT.  They share a hot kiss.

Tony makes the only logical comment that has emerged from his lips all season: that JJ acts like he's never been around a pretty girl before.  HA!  Weirdo healer is dropping truth bombs!

Kupah is feeling agitated and he confronts Kaitlyn about whether or not she "sees" him but their conversation feels more like a work review than a conversation about a romantic connection.  He's very mindful of tokenism and I appreciate that, but he comes off as defensive and uninterested in Kaitlyn. She explains that she DID feel a connection with him up until this conversation and then Kupah starts backpedaling.  To make matters worse, later she overhears Kupah admitting that he was backpedaling and pouring on the charm and then she escorts him to the front door and asks him to leave.  Then this happens:

Kupah: I don’t want to go home.  I think you’re hot, sexy

Kaitlyn: There’s more to me than that.

HELL YES, KAITLYN!  He then repeatedly says "that's pretty f-ed" as if swearing at the bachelorette will keep him in the game. She doesn’t like you, buddy—time to go!! Finally, he walks out and proceeds to snap at the producers as they try to get his parting remarks.  Kaitlyn overhears the brawl in the front driveway and that's where ABC left Bachelor Nation.  

Question for my beloved readers: Does this season feel different than previous seasons to you? The producers are more willing to break the 4th wall and show you how the show runs, I think. There's a heightened awareness of the show or at least an increased willingness to keep those moments and comments in the final cut, ya know?

I'll close with 2 crucial take aways:
1. If JJ lasts much longer, I will lose my faith in Kaitlyn and humanity, and
2. If Ian doesn't win this thing, I would like to end up with him, please. Where do I send my headshot?

Tonight at Union Hall

Tonight in the basement of Union Hall, I'm joining forces with a few of my besties to bring you a night of fantastic stand-up comedy.

We've gotten love in the NYTimes:
An Evening with Matt Wayne, Selena Coppock and George Gordon (Wednesday) Kendra Cunningham hosts these three impressive young talents from the Park Slope area for half-hour sets. At 8 p.m., Union Hall, 702 Union Street, at Fifth Avenue, Park Slope, Brooklyn, 718-638-4400, unionhallny.com; $7. (Czajkowski)


And in the Village Voice:
An Evening with Wayne, Coppock and Gordon

Union Hall, Doors 7.30 p.m. / Show 8 p.m. $7

Three of the strongest young Brooklyn comics take the stage tonight, all stretching out to half hour sets. Matt Wayne pops and fizzes with zingers and old timey goofs, like his whole act is an audition to be your favorite uncle. George Gordon is one of the best out there at killing with cadence and laconic repetition. And Selena Coppock (author, New Rules for Blondes) is the dark horse audiences never see coming: a performer with unexpected tales of booze and G'n'R cover bands lurking behind that "elegant young lady" look.

Come on out to Union Hall (Union Street and 5th Avenue, Brooklyn) and get some cheap laughs!  Doors at 7:30pm, show at 8:00pm, tickets are $7 and life is good!

How I Met the Hottest Masshole from The Bachelorette: DYLAN!

Beloved Readers!  It has been a hot minute since I posted on there, and for that I am sorry. I must also confess that I haven’t even finished watching last week’s episode of STD Shack aka Bachelor In Paradise. This August has been a busy one, which is very different from my usual August routine of making regular trips to Coney Island Beach and pretending that I hate weather so hot that I must wear a tube top 16/7 (it would be 24/7, but who can sleep in a tube top?). 

From what I saw of last week’s BinP episode, Elise is a lil bit of a kookoo bird, Chris B. still walks like a duck (literally—that’s not a euphemism), and Robert’s nursing a broken heart (at the hands of a girl who is as overrated as One Direction—yeah, I said it!). 

BUT NONE OF THAT MATTERS. What matters is that a few days ago I had a face to face meeting and hang time with Dylan, the Boston accountant featured in Andi’s season of The Bachelorette and Bachelor In Paradise (as Elise’s major crush).  If you recall, during The Bachelorette, I was pulling him for day one and not just because he’s a stocky hottie—also because he’s a Masshole.  I’ve been writing recaps of The Bachelor franchise for years—it’s how I got my book deal.  This here blog has gotten a lot of hits from Bachelor Nation and a month or two back, a sweet girl on twitter (Amy Ciulla!) pointed @dylanpetitt (the aforementioned Dylan) to my blog and he read my recap. He agreed with America that my reality TV recaps are friggity whack hilarious.  He then started following me on twitter and I followed him, which enables us to send Direct Messages to each other.  It’s like a sad version of Tinder up in here!

I sent Dylan a note and said that I was pulling for him and I thought he navigated reality TV really well—he seemed genuine and real and never said anything too inflammatory, which was smart.  He wrote back and was very nice and we had a few friendly messages back and forth.  I mentioned that I do standup comedy and I had some shows coming up in Boston during late August.  I told him the dates and he said he’d be interested in attending, so I said that I’d remind him as the date approached. 

If you read my book, you know that I have “lovingly stalked” reality TV hotties before (see "Chapter 4, Rule: Don’t Date a Guy or Gal Who is As Hair Obsessed As You Are" from The New Rules for Blondes to hear the Constantine Maroulis saga) and I always get my man (if by “get my man” you mean, meet the guy and plead for a photo with him).  Now I am two-for-two with reality TV hotties, as I invited Dylan out to a Boston standup show and he actually showed up, plus I scored a photo with him.

A few days before my Thursday night show at SweetwaterTavern, I sent Dylan a reminder and I said that I could get him and a friend into the show for free. Unlike the jag who stood me up on New Year’s Eve 2001 (you can read that tale of woe in my book, too), Dylan is a man of his word and he showed up at Sweetwater Tavern on Thursday night with two pals in tow. The show was fantastic—packed room, awesome line-up, some free beer—great times. I was last on the line-up and I was really happy with my set (some might say that I “friggin’ murdered” and some would be completely right). After the show, my pals and I had a nice chat with Dylan and his buddies about growing up around Boston, Boston nightlife, Southie vs. Eastie, comedy, and The Bachelorette. To answer the question that I have gotten a few times, no, I did not maneuver him into a corner and shove my tongue down his throat.  I’m not 25 anymore, so I don’t need to kiss every cute guy I meet (but weren’t those the days, friends?). 

It was a lot of fun to meet a guy who I had jokingly mocked/rooted for/adored on TV and make him laugh. He was even gracious enough to pose for about a dozen photos with me. His friend was willing to snap a photo of me and sweet Dyl Dyl inside the bar, but when I looked at the photo it wasn’t so great, so I asked him to pose for another one outside.  Yes, I can be shameless when it comes to capturing a good picture.  A few years ago I had the lady at the Brooklyn DMV retake my license photo four times—sometimes you just gotta get it right (though he warned, those DMV ladies will NOT be happy with you). 

What did I learn from all of this, pussycats?

I you can dream it, you can achieve it (provided that your “dream” is to meet a reality TV personality who lives in your hometown and enjoys standup comedy and drinks).  If I had put half as much energy into my academics when I was a teenager as I do into my reality TV crushes in adulthood, I could have gone to friggin’ Yale. Without further ado, I give you a photographic record of the time I met the hottest Masshole from The Bachelorette…

Our first photo together. We were so young and foolish! 

Photo #2 is when we loosened up around each other. 

Finally, we settled into a rhythm of love. This one will make a great engagement photo,
don't you think?

Townie Martian 4 - Last Comic Standing Edition

Here's what I did over the weekend.