Better late than never when it comes to my recaps, am I right!?!?!?
OK, so in Week 4 at the legendary Bachelor Manse, our group had been pared down to 11 total and those guys are becoming BESTIES. Honestly, I LOVE watching the camaraderie of the men. There's Charles L. leading the guys in some morning tai chi, Guy lifting weights, and the men sharing what a treat it is to all live together in a geriatric fraternity house (I say this with a lot of love!)
The date card arrives and Pascal reads off the names, so "Jonathan" literally sounds like "Gelatin" which had me confused for a while there. The guys who will be going on the group date are Johnathan, Pascal, Dan, Charles L, Gary, Mark, Gil, Chock, and Keith.
Jordan and Guy were left off the group date card, which made me assume they'd be going on the dreaded 2-on-1 date BUT it seems like perhaps they are sparing these men that indignity.
The group date is a strip show (for a live audience of Bachelor Nation die-hards AKA MY COMMUNITY) and the men get a body roll bootcamp from REAL Chippendales Dancers. The dynamic between the professionals and the amateurs would have looked a bit more like this
if ABC would cast some HUSKY DAD BODS and give the fans what they WANT! (Right?? RIGHT? Who's with me? HUSKY ZADDY OR BUST!). These men are all in very good shape, even if they're a bit scrawny. Some of the guys are LOVING it and everyone does their best.
The strip show is a fundraiser for Stand Up 2 Cancer which is a SLY MOVE by the Producers. Back in 2020 (Clare's short season) the guys played strip dodgeball and eternal piece of shit Yosef had a BIG PROBLEM with it (watch that scene here) and the producers learned a lesson, it seems. If you're going to ask grown men to strip, you GOTTA have it be for charity. People LOVE being righteous and outraged at things that they can use as a cudgel to prove their purity, but if you put a philanthropic angle in there, they can't really do that. So, in the words of Chock, "can I get a drink? I'd like to have about 3 chardonnays."
The guys all do great, Kaitlyn Bristow provides excellent comic relief and levity, and Joan has a blast. My favorite was when Gary, all done up as a professor in SO many layers of button down and tweed RIPPED OFF his entire top--shirt and jacket and all!
At the after party, Chock shows that he knows how to do this, asking Joan questions about how her mother is doing (BY NAME), saying "let's talk about us" when the conversation gets side-tracked, and generally being super charming and accessible. Let him be a guide for future men of HOW IT IS DONE. The young bucks often have in-house drama and waste their time with The Bachelorette badmouthing somebody else, but not these Golden Boyz!! They keep their eyes on their own paper and make use of their 1:1 time with Joan!
Chock gets the group date rose and the other guys smile encouragingly. GOD I LOVE THIS SHOW! Such healthy masculinity!
But things can turn on a dime, as the next morning, Chock gets a call that his mother has just died and he needs to leave immediately. He and Joan have a tearful goodbye and she heads into more dates, unsure if Chock will ever return or what. Oh also, when Chock told all the other men that he had to leave because his mother just died, many of the other men cried!! They shared their feelings and honored his grief in such tender ways.
Up next, Jordan (Chock look-alike but a smidge older) and Joan are going on a potential hip-breaking adventure aka ice skating in your 60s! GREAT IDEA, PRODUCERS! What could go wrong?
Poor Jordan assures Joan that he is fine but we literally just watched a 61 year old man break his tailbone. But the injury was worth it because he gets a rose! Also, a bunch of decorative trees part to reveal--surprise--2 members of REO Speedwagon performing "I Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore." During their sit-down, Jordan seemed to share that his ex-wife had cheated on him and then he moved in with his children after that? Dramatic!
Up next is Guy who is being driven to Joan's house which is--correct me if I'm wrong--the super rich lady's house from BIG LITTLE LIES!!??!?!
Joan and Guy cook dinner together and Guy is CLUELESS in the kitchen. Joan comes off as SO kind and easygoing--she could make a date fun with anyone and I appreciate her for that. Finally they go eat outside and Guy says something profound about his ex-wife of 34 years: "We spent 30 years trying not to hurt each other's feelings." HOO BOY GUY, that is LOADED and I think a TON of people relate to it! I wonder how many people in not-so-great relationships or marriages are out there watching this and realizing, "hey, I could see what else there is?" It reminds me of times when people have told me about an old relationship or marriage and been like, "we were together for 5 years, but the last 2 years of that were just coasting on fumes." I DO NOT GET IT! WALK AWAY!! What are you going to do with this one wild and precious life--DO NOT WASTE IT! There will NEVER be an ideal time to break up--it will always be painful and crappy, but GOOD LORD do not waste years of your life on a mediocre relationship with a person who you don't love anymore.
END RANT
I get the sense that Guy has done some self-reflection, "done the work" as we say in therapy. In fact I was mistaken and it seems that Guy was the man in this season who had a restraining order taken out against him--he seems to touch on how much he could NOT handle the split-up at first. He seems to have accepted it and moved forward now. He gets a rose.
The next evening it's time for a cocktail party and Joan is in a white gown with sexy cut-outs. Pascal pulls her aside immediately and she says that she needs a bit more effort from him (citing his very French "air of indifference") and he responds to that. He almost reminds me of all-time-worst Bachelor Juan Pablo in that way--he's just NOT American and doesn't quite have that stereotypically American courtship style (very straightforward, almost needy and loud). Bravo to Joan for telling him what she needs from him.
Then she has a bowl of Cheerios with Jonathan in a product-placement scene that was SO obvious, but not as cringey as I assumed it would be. Joan sits down with Keith who sweats through a non-conversation to which he brings NOTHING and Joan does the work.
Then--who struts up to the mansion steps in a sleek, black suit and calls out to Joan but CHOCK!! He's back! They must have had a SUPER FAST funeral or something because 'ole Chocky is here and STILL READY FOR LOVE! (Mark my words: When couples are just getting to know each other and one of them experiences a tragic situation, it MELDS THEM TOGETHER through a shared trauma/grief. I'll be curious how that works out here.) ALSO, Chock got to do a maneuver that ALWAYS pays off which is: Make yourself scarce for a while so they can miss you, then RETURN!! It works EVERY TIME!
It's time for 4 roses to be handed out and 4 men will be going home. Chock, Jordan, and Guy already have roses, so they are safe. The buds are handed to:
-Pascal - Frenchie wins! I don't see him being in the final 4, but they seem to understand each other nicely
-Jonathan - He's a gem. Rocking a black turtleneck under a suit jacket like a sexy assed spy!
-Mark - He's Kelsey's dad (she was winner of last season with Joey I think? I don't watch the normal franchise because I want to weep at this show and the youths don't provide that).
-Keith - Girl Dad who FLAILED this episode but somehow made it through.
So going home we have Charles L (a national treasure), Gil (seems lovely), Gary (MY FAVE! Meet me in Palm Springs for cocktails, my friend!), and Dan (sweet but he and Joan didn't seem to get to that deeper level).
As the episode closed, the guys are heading home filmed their final thoughts outside the mansion and the guys who were picked came outside to hug them and say goodbye once more. They refer to each other as "brothers," they say "I love you" openly to one-another. Charles L. had the perfect final comment: He said how he arrived there in sadness, then he bonded with these men as friends and that friendship is a "different form of love--I did find it." OH CHARLES YOU ARE TOO PERFECT FOR THIS WORLD!
But for real--watching these men make new friends as sexagenarians (THAT IS LITERALLY WHAT AGES 60-69 ARE CALLED AND I AM DYYYYING) has been a pleasure. It's feel good TV and it feels authentic, candid, and delightful.
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