Golden Bachelorette - Sexagenarian Buddies

Better late than never when it comes to my recaps, am I right!?!?!? 

OK, so in Week 4 at the legendary Bachelor Manse, our group had been pared down to 11 total and those guys are becoming BESTIES. Honestly, I LOVE watching the camaraderie of the men. There's Charles L. leading the guys in some morning tai chi, Guy lifting weights, and the men sharing what a treat it is to all live together in a geriatric fraternity house (I say this with a lot of love!)

The date card arrives and Pascal reads off the names, so "Jonathan" literally sounds like "Gelatin" which had me confused for a while there.  The guys who will be going on the group date are Johnathan, Pascal, Dan, Charles L, Gary, Mark, Gil, Chock, and Keith.  

Jordan and Guy were left off the group date card, which made me assume they'd be going on the dreaded 2-on-1 date BUT it seems like perhaps they are sparing these men that indignity.  

The group date is a strip show (for a live audience of Bachelor Nation die-hards AKA MY COMMUNITY) and the men get a body roll bootcamp from REAL Chippendales Dancers. The dynamic between the professionals and the amateurs would have looked a bit more like this 

if ABC would cast some HUSKY DAD BODS and give the fans what they WANT! (Right?? RIGHT? Who's with me? HUSKY ZADDY OR BUST!). These men are all in very good shape, even if they're a bit scrawny.  Some of the guys are LOVING it and everyone does their best. 

The strip show is a fundraiser for Stand Up 2 Cancer which is a SLY MOVE by the Producers.  Back in 2020 (Clare's short season) the guys played strip dodgeball and eternal piece of shit Yosef had a BIG PROBLEM with it (watch that scene here) and the producers learned a lesson, it seems. If you're going to ask grown men to strip, you GOTTA have it be for charity.  People LOVE being righteous and outraged at things that they can use as a cudgel to prove their purity, but if you put a philanthropic angle in there, they can't really do that. So, in the words of Chock, "can I get a drink? I'd like to have about 3 chardonnays."  

The guys all do great, Kaitlyn Bristow provides excellent comic relief and levity, and Joan has a blast. My favorite was when Gary, all done up as a professor in SO many layers of button down and tweed RIPPED OFF his entire top--shirt and jacket and all! 

At the after party, Chock shows that he knows how to do this, asking Joan questions about how her mother is doing (BY NAME), saying "let's talk about us" when the conversation gets side-tracked, and generally being super charming and accessible.  Let him be a guide for future men of HOW IT IS DONE.  The young bucks often have in-house drama and waste their time with The Bachelorette badmouthing somebody else, but not these Golden Boyz!! They keep their eyes on their own paper and make use of their 1:1 time with Joan!  

Chock gets the group date rose and the other guys smile encouragingly. GOD I LOVE THIS SHOW! Such healthy masculinity! 

But things can turn on a dime, as the next morning, Chock gets a call that his mother has just died and he needs to leave immediately.  He and Joan have a tearful goodbye and she heads into more dates, unsure if Chock will ever return or what.  Oh also, when Chock told all the other men that he had to leave because his mother just died, many of the other men cried!! They shared their feelings and honored his grief in such tender ways.  

Up next, Jordan (Chock look-alike but a smidge older) and Joan are going on a potential hip-breaking adventure aka ice skating in your 60s! GREAT IDEA, PRODUCERS!  What could go wrong? 

Poor Jordan assures Joan that he is fine but we literally just watched a 61 year old man break his tailbone. But the injury was worth it because he gets a rose!  Also, a bunch of decorative trees part to reveal--surprise--2 members of REO Speedwagon performing "I Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore." During their sit-down, Jordan seemed to share that his ex-wife had cheated on him and then he moved in with his children after that? Dramatic! 

Up next is Guy who is being driven to Joan's house which is--correct me if I'm wrong--the super rich lady's house from BIG LITTLE LIES!!??!?! 

Joan and Guy cook dinner together and Guy is CLUELESS in the kitchen. Joan comes off as SO kind and easygoing--she could make a date fun with anyone and I appreciate her for that. Finally they go eat outside and Guy says something profound about his ex-wife of 34 years: "We spent 30 years trying not to hurt each other's feelings." HOO BOY GUY, that is LOADED and I think a TON of people relate to it!  I wonder how many people in not-so-great relationships or marriages are out there watching this and realizing, "hey, I could see what else there is?" It reminds me of times when people have told me about an old relationship or marriage and been like, "we were together for 5 years, but the last 2 years of that were just coasting on fumes." I DO NOT GET IT! WALK AWAY!! What are you going to do with this one wild and precious life--DO NOT WASTE IT!  There will NEVER be an ideal time to break up--it will always be painful and crappy, but GOOD LORD do not waste years of your life on a mediocre relationship with a person who you don't love anymore. 

END RANT 

I get the sense that Guy has done some self-reflection, "done the work" as we say in therapy.  In fact I was mistaken and it seems that Guy was the man in this season who had a restraining order taken out against him--he seems to touch on how much he could NOT handle the split-up at first. He seems to have accepted it and moved forward now.  He gets a rose. 

The next evening it's time for a cocktail party and Joan is in a white gown with sexy cut-outs. Pascal pulls her aside immediately and she says that she needs a bit more effort from him (citing his very French "air of indifference") and he responds to that. He almost reminds me of all-time-worst Bachelor Juan Pablo in that way--he's just NOT American and doesn't quite have that stereotypically American courtship style (very straightforward, almost needy and loud). Bravo to Joan for telling him what she needs from him. 

Then she has a bowl of Cheerios with Jonathan in a product-placement scene that was SO obvious, but not as cringey as I assumed it would be.  Joan sits down with Keith who sweats through a non-conversation to which he brings NOTHING and Joan does the work.  

Then--who struts up to the mansion steps in a sleek, black suit and calls out to Joan but CHOCK!! He's back! They must have had a SUPER FAST funeral or something because 'ole Chocky is here and STILL READY FOR LOVE!  (Mark my words: When couples are just getting to know each other and one of them experiences a tragic situation, it MELDS THEM TOGETHER through a shared trauma/grief. I'll be curious how that works out here.) ALSO, Chock got to do a maneuver that ALWAYS pays off which is: Make yourself scarce for a while so they can miss you, then RETURN!! It works EVERY TIME!  

It's time for 4 roses to be handed out and 4 men will be going home.  Chock, Jordan, and Guy already have roses, so they are safe.  The buds are handed to: 

-Pascal - Frenchie wins! I don't see him being in the final 4, but they seem to understand each other nicely 

-Jonathan - He's a gem. Rocking a black turtleneck under a suit jacket like a sexy assed spy! 

-Mark - He's Kelsey's dad (she was winner of last season with Joey I think? I don't watch the normal franchise because I want to weep at this show and the youths don't provide that). 

-Keith - Girl Dad who FLAILED this episode but somehow made it through. 

So going home we have Charles L (a national treasure), Gil (seems lovely), Gary (MY FAVE! Meet me in Palm Springs for cocktails, my friend!), and Dan (sweet but he and Joan didn't seem to get to that deeper level). 

As the episode closed, the guys are heading home filmed their final thoughts outside the mansion and the guys who were picked came outside to hug them and say goodbye once more. They refer to each other as "brothers," they say "I love you" openly to one-another. Charles L. had the perfect final comment: He said how he arrived there in sadness, then he bonded with these men as friends and that friendship is a "different form of love--I did find it." OH CHARLES YOU ARE TOO PERFECT FOR THIS WORLD! 

But for real--watching these men make new friends as sexagenarians (THAT IS LITERALLY WHAT AGES 60-69 ARE CALLED AND I AM DYYYYING) has been a pleasure. It's feel good TV and it feels authentic, candid, and delightful.  

Golden Bachelorette - We Are the Mansion Men (?)

This week we had a dramatic kickball game, two 1:1s, lots of tears, trauma talk™, and a wanna-be Rodgers and Hammerstein.  

The week started off with a 1:1 between Pascal and Joan and I must admit, Pascal has never been my favorite.  He seemed helpless and proud of it (asking the Danny Bonaduce look-alike to do his laundry), which is SO unappealing.  But in his 1:1, we got to know the tender heart beneath the French accent and shears and Pascal’s life story made me weepy.  Poor guy revealed to Joan that he grew up in severe neglect, raised by parents who seemed to resent him for being born.  HOO BOY.  They jetted off to Las Vegas, where they dined at a faux Eiffel Tower (built to 1/3 scale, if it’s anything like the fake Venice, Italy in Las Vegas) and that date felt like THE MOST AMERICAN idea for a French contestant.  As we used to say in my AP French class, FORMIDABLE!  Pascal and Joan seem to make a tender love connection and he scores a rose. 

Next is a group date and while The Bachelorette LOVES forcing the men to box or endure physical challenges that usually result in at least one contestant being taken out in an ambulance (it’s called GOOD TV, people—look it up!), these producers aren’t looking to break hips (only hearts), so they men are about to have a kickball tournament.  The hipsters who hijacked McCarren Park in Brooklyn with their kickball leagues and knee-high socks circa 2006 APPROVE!  

The group date is Chock, Gil, Dan (sweet guy with the hand tremor), Charles L (sweetest, funniest guy), Charles K (I will NOT call him CK), Gregg (Danny Bonaduce), Gary (my fave), Guy (ER doctor with big smile), Kim (Navy dude), Jordan (Chock look-alike), Mark (whose “job” is listed as “Girl Dad”).  They are split into 2 teams and force-fed Quaker Oats because that is the sponsor of this event (I’m not kidding).  Jessie Palmer and Joan do color commentary and are funnier than you’re think. Charles L makes some great kickball moves despite having, as he shares with us, “no experience with kickball.”  This guy is SO funny and he is NEVER TRYING and that is WHY it works.  The blue team wins, so they get an afterparty with Joan and she wears a blue dress like some sorta Democrat smoke show (we’re ALL smoke shows, baby! Go DONKEYS! HARRIS/WALZ 2024 OR WE ARE LITERALLY GOING TO DIE!).  

Charles shares with Joan that when his wife passed, she had a heart attack or a brain aneurism (I’m sorry I can’t recall but I had had a few drinks AND I was half asleep while watching so my notes are chicken scratch and I’m stunned that I can read ANYTHNG off them) and she fell over and when she was taken to the hospital, she had blood seeping out of her mouth.  This scared Charles and he has spent 10 years wondering, “how did she have blood in her mouth?”  Earlier that week, in the house, Charles asked ER doctor Guy what he thought.  Poor guy, Guy (ya see that?) must get hit with every medical question any stranger has EVER pondered anytime he leaves his house.  Guy is lovely and patient with Charles and explains that it’s likely she bit her lip when she fell over, so it was just a bit of blood from that but nothing more sinister or deadly. This information is SO helpful and cathartic to Charles in processing his grief.  

THIS is part of why the Golden version of the franchise is so lovely AND so different from the standard version—in GOLDEN land, there is a sense that, duh, we have all had previous partners and heartbreaks and loss.  In the regular Bachelor/Bachelorette world, discussing ANY previous partner is usually unwise.  Some people might share that they went through a breakup and that inspired them to submit for the show, or that they have endured heartbreak, but you really DO NOT want to dwell on it. You do NOT want to make it seem like you loved anyone else THAT much, or the other contestants will use it against you and insinuate that you aren’t FULLY committed to the lead and thus not “there for the right reasons” (a deadly curse in Bachelor land).  

So anyway, it’s really powerful to watch Charles L. process his grief over his beloved wife, explore his feelings, and even learn new things that are helping him find resolution and peace.  I mean, the guy is NOT going to win Joan’s heart, but I’m glad he can heal his own and he so charming and funny while doing so.  

I don’t think anyone gets a rose at the end of that date but I maaaay be wrong?  

Up next is the 1:1 date of Joan and Jonathan.  Sweet Jonathan is NOT super thrilled to get the 1:1, as he is anxious about “being seen” and man, this one made me weepy, too.  I understand why he may be nervous about getting to know her TOO quickly—you need to have JUST the right timing in Bachelor-land—you don’t want to blow your metaphorical emotional load too early on.  But also, he’s apprehensive about fully letting her in (and, I’d guess, about letting all the TV viewers in).  He gets a rose meanwhile back at the house, Navy Captain Kim is attempting to FORCE the other men to sing an ORIGINAL DITTY that he has written called “We Are The Mansion Men” which is as catchy as it is corny.  The rhythm and lyrics reminded me of a song from ANIMAL CRACKERS that we performed my senior year in High School.  Check that out here if you want to hear another mostly-annoying song that shrieks “amateur musical theater.”  

Kim’s song is all about how they are the Mansion Men and they’re sad and lonely and want to win Joan’s heart.  Speak for yourself on the sad and lonely stuff, my dude!  A lot of the men are NOT eager to bust out a song like they’re elementary school students at an all-school assembly.  In the end, only sweet ER doctor Guy is willing to sing with Kim and they seem to have forged a sweet friendship.  Also bravo to the other guys for setting boundaries!  

At the cocktail party, Joan is looking gorgeous in a blush, sparkly gown (somewhat surprising, as blush is NOT my favorite on white women) and the roses get handed out as follows: 

-Guy – ER doctor had a strong episode 

-Dan – Shaky hands can hold onto Joan’s heart (I’m sorry) 

-Gary – my fave who pushed back on the forced Mansion Men sing-along beautifully 

-Jordan – husky, white, older dude hottie

-Chock – husky, white, older dude hottie 

-Charles L – a man on an emotional journey through time and space and we love him 

-Keith – husky, white, older dude hottie 

-Mark – husky, white, older dude hottie  

So who is going home and hoping to leverage his appearance on The Golden Bachelorette into more dates on the local level? 

-Kim – ahh the Mansion Man is a Mansion Man no more. For a guy who said, in the talent show episode, that he was NOT into singing or performing, guy sure seemed to LOVE singing and performing 

-Charles K – He seemed like a sweet guy but I won’t miss hearing about CK 

-Greg – Danny Bonaduce look-alike can get back to his career of making appearances at Partridge Family Superfan Conventions  

What did you think?  Did you catch the previews of the next ep? I certain DID NOT! 

Golden Bachelorette - I'm Recapping Again!?

Hello again!

It has been EONS--literally about THREE YEARS--since I last posted.  Hoo man.  We have all lived through a lot these past 4 years and, well, the 4 years before that sucked pretty hard because we had a rapist maniac monster as President.  So we've been through quite a lot! 

As many readers may know, I used to crank out recaps of The Bachelor and The Bachelorette on here religiously for years--to the point that it got me a book deal!  Remember back when a blog could do that for ya? Those were heady times. 

Anyhoo--back in that era I was writing recaps weekly, working in publishing full time, doing standup at night, and working weekends as a Sex & the City Tour guide.  I had so much energy!  Now I just work full time and host the BETCHES BRIDES podcast (which you gotta listen to!) plus I'm hoping to bring back TWO WICK MINIMUM soon, and that's about all I can handle.  But the other night I caught up on THE GOLDEN BACHELORETTE and as I watched the rose ceremony, I thought to myself: ONE MORE SEASON.  So here we are.  

I'm hoping to stick with this one because I find the golden version of the show SO delightful.  The traditional show--where you watch 25-year-olds talk about how they're running out of time to find love (barf) has become tiresome to me.  The participants are there to become influencers and are very aware of how to get screen time--it all feels inauthentic and too calculated.  But the Golden Bachelor and Bachelorette--this shit is PURE!  It feels like season 1 of JERSEY SHORE before any of those crazy kids knew what would happen next.  The guys on THE GOLDEN BACHELORETTE don't know what group dates are!  They balk at the idea that not getting a rose on a 1:1 date means automatic elimination because they don't know what any of that means!  Nobody is trying to popularize a catchphrase or get a deliberate "villain edit"--they don't even know what an EDIT IS!  It's heavenly!  

So let's start at episode 2 because I feel like it (goddamn I forgot how FREE I feel on this blog).  Jesse Palmer is our intrepid host and in this episode, I think we may have seen a BIT of a personality out of him for the first time ever.  He really is like a rich man's Chris Harrison. 

Episode 2 will be a group date (a prom at a random high school that the production team has commandeered), a 1:1 date (to Disney World--QUICK RANDOM ASIDE--I just had to Google if the one in Florida is Disney World or Disney Land, but now that I think of it, they must have gone to the Disney in California since infamous Bachelor STD/SID Shack is in California BUT I DIGRESS--the POINT of this needless aside is to ask this question: Are you like me and unable to remember which one is Disney Land and which one is Disney World, and also, more important, do you agree that it DOES NOT MATTER? I feel like when I was younger, some shitbag was always acting smug and superior and being like, "Land is in California and World is in Florida" [righteous hair toss]  WHO CAAAAARES!?!?  Truly, who cares.  I take up my brain space with more important things. OK END OF RANT. Back to list of dates: and finally, a group date (a talent show that, I suspect, was at that same high school because that makes life easier for the production team. 

The prom date featured Taylor Dayne IN THE FLESH singing 2 of her hits and one of the guys had gone on a date with her before, which goes to show how small the 60+ dating pool must be in California.  That really does feel like, of all the 90s pop stars they had to book for this bizarro cameo, they had to book HER! The dudes break out some dance moves and Gary wins "Best Dressed" in my book--very few men can pull off a gold suit but he crushed it.  Jonathan confides in Joan that he was the only student of color at his high school and he didn't attend his prom and OH MAN I got weepy!  He scored the group date rose and I'm so glad.  

Up next is a 1:1 date that felt like a commercial for Disney and CHONK was up for it.  Oh I'm sorry--Chock.  His name is Chock and we're supposed to just accept that.  I take notes as I watch the show usually (I'm insane) and I must share that I have the description "husky, handsome, older white dude" next to Chock, Kim, Mark, Jordan, and Keith.  Chock and Jordan in particular are wholly interchangeable to me. I mean.... 

One is Chock and one is Jordan and they are BOTH here to audition for a pharmaceutical commercial where they throw a football through a tire swing while the voice over lists out possible side effects. 

Anyhoo, Chock seems solid, he is SUPER INTO FAMILY, and he scores a rose. 

The final group date is a talent show with an audience of random extras who are willing to give up 8 hours of their life to watch a Navy captain sing (bravo, Kim) and a poor man's Vidal Sassoon (Pascal) literally cut the hair of a wig.  Dan wins the group date rose, though, with his ribbon dance and candor about his hand tremor. God bless. 

Finally, it's time for a rose ceremony and Joan came to SLAY.  Can you even handle this lewk? 

I LOVE a cape moment--so dramatic.  I thought about doing some sort of a cape-style thing for my wedding, but it didn't really make sense for an August event.  Also I LOVE a bold color choice. Way to go, Joan.  So Jonathan, Chonk, and Dan already have roses so they're safe.  She handed out the buds as follows: 

-Mark - the youngest guy in the house and part of the "husky white dude" contingent. Also I just read that his son was on The Bachelor. 

-Gary - my personal favorite. A Black man who lives in Palm Springs (LOVE PS) who has great style and seems really kind and tender hearted. 

-Pascal - hairdresser from Chicago who is originally from France and methinks knows his way around a Botox appointment (and it looks great!). 

-Jordan - another husky white dude. Joan seems to dig him. 

-CK - ohhh a nickname!  This is Charles K who Joan lovingly calls "CK" which, sadly, reminds me of a comedy dude who absolutely destroyed the careers of 2+ women in comedy! Boooo! 

-Keith - yet another husky white dude but also, he's a goofy one. 

-Gil - tan, hot older gentleman who we haven't seen much from and I know he's getting very little screen time because of a legal issue, I read somewhere. 

-Charles L - the most endearing, unintentionally funny dude in the house who deserves a spin-off series. I mean, look at this punum: 

Before the rose ceremony he said something about how Joan's in charge and "Charle's not in charge" and I HOWLED!! Preserve this gemstone of a man at all costs! 

-Kim - Navy Captain who is a husky, white dude who embodies healthy masculinity to me. He has tips for how to live alongside a dozen other men (due to his time in the Navy) and he seems like a get-it-done, hardworking man who is very in touch with his emotions and self-aware. Just SUPER refreshing. 

-Gregg - guy who bears such a striking resemblance to Danny Bonaduce of The Partridge Family and I can think about nothing else when I see this guy.  Do you see it? 

You must. 

Then finally, 

-Guy - ER doctor with a big smile. 

So who is going home and going to nurse a broken heart in a situation that is at best a major mind fuck when you're 25 but has gotta be even TOUGHER when you're 60+ and just got turned down on national TV? 

-Bob - total sweetheart, ALLY, and friend to the Lesbian community 

-Christopher - he struck me as LOVELY and I'm sad to see him go back to Long Island 

-Jack - Chicago cook dude who should have been sent home on night 1. On that first night, he went into the kitchen and made an elaborate meal for himself and Joan and one might think, "well he's a cook! He's showing off his skills to a woman he want to impress" and I get that, but to me it felt like almost stealing focus from Joan. JOAN IS IN CHARGE (Charles is not hahah) and I felt like Jack making this BIG GESTURE showed that he doesn't have good boundaries.  That, and the wouldn't stop doing cannonballs in the pool.  

-Michael - quiet guy with reddish hair who seemed like a solid person but solid people don't make for good television, my friend. 

What did you think of this episode?

WARNING: HOT TAKES AHEAD

OK, my thoughts on AND JUST LIKE THAT, as a SATC superfan, a former tour guide on the Sex & the City Bus Tour, and a person who owns a killer pair of SJP heels BUT tends to side with Kim Cattrall when it comes to the claims that the other 3 women have behaved like Mean Girls toward her. 

I can’t organize them into anything that flows nicely, so here are my hot takes in a bulleted list. God, I love a bulleted list. 

-That opening restaurant scene of Carrie, Miranda, and Charlotte eating was bizarre. Most of Carrie’s lines were stupid one-liners that felt like punchlines and completely removed from an actual conversation. Feels like the writers are having a hard time replicating the witty banter and patter that the four women used to enjoy. 

SAMANTHA

-First off, BRAVO to Kim Cattrall for setting a boundary, moving on professionally, and never looking back. Although WE MISS AND NEED SAMANTHA and the script shows that. The explanation for her absence is that she moved to London after Carrie fired her as a publicist and Carrie says a line about how Samantha ditched her as a friend after Carrie stopped “being her personal ATM.” Oh girl. No. This line feels like SJP talking about Kim Cattrall straight up. From my understanding, during casting of season 1 of the show way back when, SJP, Nixon, and Davis were all ready to rock and Cattrall was the lone hold-out (she’s more of a film actress). The powers-that-be SATC wanted Cattrall SO badly to play Samantha but she wasn’t sure. SJP was set up as Executive Producer from the start and Cattrall had some leverage, so asked if she could also have some sort of Producer or Exec Producer role but was turned down. She took the role anyway and, from what I have heard, revisited this topic a few times over the years when salaries were being renegotiated. Totally normal—that happens in ANY job. I do NOT understand why a franchise that was SUCH an ensemble piece didn’t end up doing collective bargaining (like the cast of FRIENDS during that same era) but they didn’t and only SJP got to be Executive Producer. Curious. Then, somehow through the passage of time, the story gets twisted into Kim Cattrall is a money-grubber and a line about “personal ATM” get thrown in. How tacky.

AND SECOND THING concerning this whole aspect, is that Samantha would NEVER ghost her friends like that and, most important, Samantha Jones PR would NEVER take on Carrie Bradshaw as a client in the first place! CAN YOU FEEL ME SEETHING ABOUT THIS?? Samantha represented hotels, venues, BIG DEALS (and, well, one bratty teenager one time but I digress)--not columnists turned authors turned podcast hosts. So I reject the foundation of the storyline entirely. 

AND FINALLY, as far as storylines go, I feel like Cattrall got the short end of the stick with her character’s storylines for EONS. She didn’t have clauses in her contract about “no nudity” (whereas some of the other women did and, again, you have to wonder if there was a sense of her feeling like, “oh wait, you guys all negotiated no nudity but nobody told anybody else about it?”) so Cattrall had to stay in great shape for 6 seasons and 2 films.  Then, also, her character got stories that felt mean-spirited to me. A sampling of Samantha’s storylines from the later years that are mostly humiliating: Samantha got FAT (SATC movie) Samantha’s having hot flashes and going through menopause (SATC II). As Cattrall said in an interview with Piers Morgan, she has explored the character of Samantha thoroughly and made an empowered decision to move onto new project and new ventures. Bless. This is a classic situation in which the person who is the odd-man-out and feels attacked (Cattrall) tries to defend herself and yet somehow SHE is painted as the problem, the loose cannon, the “bitter woman” when, in fact, it seems as if EVERYONE ELSE was being stunningly cruel and insensitive to HER! I experienced the same situation when I left the world of improv and left Boston in a now-defunct theater company. It’s infuriating and it’s amazing how quick the rumor mill writes you off as “difficult” when you’re actually the victim of some adult bullying. Anyhoo—JUST MY TWO CENTS HERE LOL!!

-It’s interesting to watch the lines that WOULD HAVE BEEN Samantha’s bon mots get sent over to Stanford who handles them beautifully, but you can just FEEL the energy of “oh that moment of levity would have been handed to Samantha in episodes’ past.” 

-Remember how in the first SATC movie, Miranda was the one who sort of “fucked up” and set off the chain of events that ended with Big not showing up to the wedding? Just after the rehearsal dinner at Buddakan (a place that the Sex & the City bus tour STOPS AT and where I once went on a dinner date with a guy who I’m convinced was recently out of jail and in the mafia) when Steve showed up (after having cheated on Miranda) and Steve and Miranda had words, then Miranda said, “you’re crazy to get married” to Big? Well, it’s funny to watch the wheel of blame keep on turning (and BRAVO to Samantha for jumping off) because this time around, it’s Charlotte who is to blame! She wanted the gals at Lily’s piano recital which meant that Carrie couldn’t be home when Big had his heart attack. Just struck me as interesting—like a song from Edie Brickell and the New Bohemians—the wheel keeps on turning and turning and turning and… 

-Miranda’s cringey, clueless, well-intentioned-white-woman-who-actually-does-more-harm-than-good scenes are SO PAINFUL to watch and I really hope that in the next 8 episodes, we land somewhere useful with all of this. 

-Nicole Ari Parker plays Lisa Todd Wexley (a character that Anthony calls “Black Charlotte” which sorta stunned me) has the absolute BEST costumes and jewelry of the entire franchise. I feel naked wearing my rinky-dink statement jewelry next to her beautiful pieces and presentation.

-Trying to push this franchise into the year 2021 feels HARD and CLUMSY but I’m curious to see where they go with all of it. I DO give them a lot of credit for admitting that while Carrie’s column was the OG ‘sex’ column of NYC, she’s actually quite bashful about the stuff and not as “sex-positive” as one would expect in today’s cultural climate. The way that the ladies talked about sex in the show, while pioneering in its era, mostly used humor and deflection to avoid facing crude topics head-on (“The In-The-Butt Guy” and “Funky Spunk” and silly jokes about vibrators, fake nipples). So I found the podcast scene (“Do you masturbate? Have you had sex in public?”) to be fascinating because, yeah, Carrie gets really uncomfortable there and that is true to her character. Her column, though it was called Sex & the City, was really a column about dating, not sex quite as much. 

-Did anyone else feel like Carrie was more devastated by Big standing her up on their wedding day than she was about HIM DYING? 

-I LOVED LOVED LOVED the blonde woman who, at Big’s funeral, says, “am I the only one who remembers what a prick he was to her?” AMEN, lady! Also, I know that face. Was she married to the guy who developed a big crush on Charlotte… or was it Carrie? And their newlywed marriage broke up? It was a small storyline in 1 episode early on but I remember her face and voice. 

-Why is a lifelong pot smoker like Che smoking a bowl WITH A LIGHTER like it’s 1999 and we’re out past curfew in the woods? They should be hitting a frigging vape or a one hitter—come on! Even I know that and I’m a 40-something who can’t function if I so much as walk through a cloud of secondhand pot smoke!

-It cracks me up that the title is AND JUST LIKE THAT because that phrase was one thing I disliked about the show so majorly. It’s a euphemism much like, “next thing I know” that covers up what ACTUALLY happened and makes everything seem easy. Or have I just heard too many obnoxious stories about how some giant celebrity wasn’t even TRYING to be famous but they tagged along to a casting call with their cousin “and next thing I know, I’m walking the runway in Milan” or some shit. Ya know? The cultural obsession with obfuscating how FUCKING HARD things can be is so tired. Man, I am in a MOOD today, huh?? HA! 

-The franchise has long been derided for its lack of diversity and, man, they are TRYING to make improvements there and I want to give them time to show us more. Often if feels like a tricky task: “Hey, please change your show to more fully showcase the diversity of New York City.” Then when the show does that, there’s a sense of, “NOT LIKE THAT!” I’m going to give them a chance—I’m hopeful that Miranda’s character can grow and learn and that all of the great, new faces we’re seeing, will get some solid storylines and scenes. 

-I DO NOT believe that Miranda P. Hobbes, Esquire and Steve “my mother is the President of Catholicism” Brady would EVER let their teen son fuck his girlfriend in their home! Perhaps I’m Pollyanna AF but that tidbit blew my mind and grossed me out. Also, does the son seem to be PRETENDING to be getting laid so as to annoy his parents? Listen, I was a weird, angry teenager, too, but I never JOKINGLY insinuated that I was humping in my bedroom. If this is a joke—I don’t get it.

-ALL THIS SAID, it is nice to be back among friends walking the lovely streets of summertime NYC. It’s nice to see these women we love who are now in their 50s learning things, growing, and rolling with changing social mores. I will forever love SJP for not being a supermodel and yet, still being the main character of a legendary, iconic franchise beloved by so many. Perhaps that sounds rude, though I mean it as a compliment and a source of inspiration. They didn’t cast a literal model and have her learn how to act. They cast a lifelong professional actress (she was ANNIE on Broadway, for crying out loud) whose looks some troglodytes have insulted and paraded her around as the Queen Bee of NYC and I absolutely love Sex & the City for it. 

So, I’m hopeful, dear readers. There are 8 more episodes of this season and I hope that the new chapter can settle into a solid rhythm and style. In homage to Miranda’s cringey and problematic scenes so far, I’m ending this blog post PROBLEMATIC AS HELL and saying this: Much like Chapelle said when he hosted SNL right after Trump was elected (I WARNED YOU), I’m hopeful and I’m going to give ‘em a chance.

Also, while I have your attention, there is still time to buy a candle set from my candle collab with Wax Cabin Candle Company!  Makes a lovely holiday gift!  Check them out here.  

The Jedburgh Podcast

Hello friends! 

It's been a minute!  I'm hanging in there in NYC.  I retired from standup, got a promotion at my job, moved in with my boyfriend (just a few blocks from my old place), and am enjoying Post Vax Summer!  

Recently, I had the privilege of chatting with a pal from my hometown (Weston), Fran Racioppi, host of The Jedburgh Podcast. We talked about comedy, feminism, standup vs. improv, punching up/punching down, hustling in NYC, and being open to messages from the universe. It was such a fun conversation and Fran is more than just a former Special Forces Green Beret, the founder of FRSix, and a brilliant public speaker--he's also a wonderful conversationalist and a man who does his homework!

Click on the image here to be linked directly to our episode or look up The Jedburgh Podcast on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your pods. It was a really fun conversation.  Tune in! 

2021

Love bugs!! 

Hello hello!! Remember during Clare's season of The Bachelorette (which feels like a MILLION years ago, no?) when I was like, "I'm going to recap! This pandemic can't keep me down!" Hahhahaha what a simpler time.  I was unable to keep up with it and, as you probably noticed, I stopped recapping.  I kept watching and tweeting and posting stuff to Instagram, but I just couldn't write up recaps like I used t

I mean, so much Bachelor Nation engagement happens on Twitter and Insta now--not over here in my blog.  So I'm stepping away from recaps yet again.  I may write random essays on here, though--this blog isn't over, sweet pals. 

One thing I HAVE been able to restart is Two Wick Minimum, my podcast about candles.  I hired an Editor/Producer gentleman who takes my Zooms with guests and my intro music and my welcome audio and weaves it into a file!  Huzzah!  I hate technology!  And having guests on via Zoom is SO COOL!  I had on Ken Reid, a Boston-based comedian and super successful podcaster (check out his rad, long running pod TV Guidance Counselor), plus a fellow Brooklyn-based comedian and, most recently an LA-based comedian!  Geography is no object anymore!  Hooray!  Those last 2 eps will be dropping soon. 

So, for right now, just about all I can handle is my normal job and my podcast and that's OK.  We're all slogging through a LOT and trying to keep our heads above water.  And right now, all I want to do is watch The Bachelor and fire off some silly tweets and that's all good. 

To anybody who is out there reading this, I'm sending you love.  We have all lost so much this year.  It has been so damn brutal with death, hardship, trauma, tragedy, fear.  Just when I have thought that we can't really take anymore and that things can't get worse, they do.  Friends have lots family and friends from Coronavirus, but then also, so many people have died of other things: ongoing medical issues, overdoses, suicide.  It's all just so much.  I'm sorry to be so dark.  This is just to say: I'm sorry, I love you, we're all in this together.  

And please listen to my podcast! xoxo

Bachelorette Clare Ep 4: Blown Up

Hello! 

This entry is very belated, as ABC aired The Bachelorette on Thursday instead of Tuesday due to the election and then we learned the results of the election on Saturday and I've mostly been drunk and dancing ever since!  So I'm late with this and honestly, Thursday night's episode of the feels like it happened a million years ago! 

I watched Thursday night's episode live and to be honest, I don't remember much of it.  I remember Chris Harrison going to Clare's hotel room to do a Love Intervention of sorts.  Then she goes on a 1:1 date with Dale while the rest of the guys sit around their hotel suite assuring one another that Clare still has an open heart.  Oh you poor, poor fools.  Meanwhile Dale and Clare have dinner and it's a very standard 1st date in that they discuss their parents' courtships and get to know VERY BASIC things about one another, but also, before all that, Clare tells Dale that he's the one and she is ending this season to run off into the sunset with him.  At first he seemed a little bit thrown off and I got definite "too  much too soon" vibes off him, but he seems to be into it, based on how the rest of the episode played out. 

The next day, Chris Harrison goes back to Clare's room for Love Intervention: Part II during which he asks Clare if they have said I love you, if they are both 100% into this, and if he can basically declare her time as The Bachelorette over.  She says yes to all this, then goes to say goodbye to the guys. 

It was stunning how much one women dumping 15ish guys at the same time really felt like watching a breakup, ya know? I thought it would feel formal and workplace presentation-like, but it actually felt like watching a couple talk through a breakup. And I appreciate that a few of the guys were a bit defensive or doubtful of Dale's intentions (BLAKE), but most were just happy that Clare accomplished what she came there to do: find love.  

Then we cut to Dale proposing to Clare (who is wearing a gorgeous white dress) and her accepting, and the next thing we know, Chris Harrison is informing the guys that a new bachelorette will be arriving TONIGHT and here comes Tayshia!! 

I'm glad that Clare found love and I TRULY TRULY hope that she and Dale are in it together forever.  But it all feels a LITTLE quick, no?? But then again, who knows?  There's no right or wrong timeline!  My parents dated 2 months then got engaged and were married within 6 months and their 50th wedding anniversary is coming up!  I KNOW!!  

I'm really glad for the remaining guys that they get another chance at competitive, reality TV love and I think Tayshia is a perfect pick.  She's gorgeous, smart, and eager to TRULY do this thing.  I think she'll be a fantastic Bachelorette.  What do yo think, fellow Bach fans???