Monday, August 23, 2010

Bach Pad: Are we on episode 3 already!?


I just finished watching "The Bachelor Pad" and holy crypes, people be all about subtly alluding to causal humps in the fantasy suite, yo!

I'm sad to report that I missed the first 45 minutes of the show, so I didn't get to watch the game of adult spin-the-bottle or whatever creepy game of "Pass the Cold Sore" that they passed off as some sort of "challenge" in this episode. But it sounds like it was spicy and Krisily thought that she and "Hot Psycho" David had some chemistry, but apparently he thought he had more chemistry with Natalie (who is newly single).

I was at my favorite Total Body Conditioning class, if you must know. I've been slacking on gym time lately and I feel like crap. Today I got myself back in gear and seemed to travel back in time to my college days--I hit the gym hard, ate just fruit for lunch, and listened to the soundtrack to the movie "Go!" while remembering an old crush who tried to take me to see that movie. Sigh. But let's snap back to reality: late twenty-something Bach rejects are all living in a house in L.A. passing around STDs and this recap isn't going to write itself!

OK, so when I tuned in, the Hot Psycho (David) was in Vegas with Krisily, Nikki, and Natalie. He had to give a rose to someone so he picked the blonde (of course) and sent home the two brunettes, naturally (Ziiing!) As if struck by relationship lightning, as of the next morning, Natalie and David were a couple, though they want to keep it DL for strategic purposes.

Gia and Wes engage in nauseating flirtation that left me covered in dumb chills. Wes even serenaded her... with the SAME EXACT song that he sang to bachelorette Jillian just a few seasons back. Learn "Free Bird" or something, dude.

Meanwhile, Peyton gets to select three boys for a date and she picks Kovacs (aww snap Elizabeth is pissed!), Kiptyn (aww snap Tenley is pissed!), and Jesse B (aww snap, Natalie is pretending she's not pissed because she's in an overnight relationship with Hot Psycho, but we all know she's really crying on the inside). Nutso!

They go to a race track and drive, flirt, drink, eat Mexican food, and she gives Jesse B. a kiss and a rose. (I feel like I could very easily weave a reference to Seal's "Kiss From A Rose" into this paragraph, but I'm not going to. Why, you ask? Well, back in college I was an a cappella kid (SHUT IT! Girls who sing are hot!). I was a proud member of the Hamilton College HamilTONES (get it? Hell yeah!) and we had auditions each year, which was a long process. One year, this really creepy sociopath guy (who was later kicked out of Hamilton) came in and sang "Kiss From A Rose." He was actually pretty good, but his pitch-matching wasn't very strong (holy lame-o sentence, Selena!) and he generally gave us all the creeps. So we didn't take him, and he kinda ruined "Kiss From a Rose" for me.)

Whew!? Where was I!? Oh, Peyton and Jesse end up spending the night together, back at the mansion, but in a private bedroom (not the bunk room) which is almost grosser than any of the other fantasy suite situations.

Let's cut to the chase: Who gets the boot?


Weatherman was no surprise. If I were stuck living in a house with a bunch of dudes and all we could do was tan and drink poolside, I'd probably vote off the guys who were short and non-hot. Yes, I'm shallow. But dude-- that's all that you have to look at. Keep the poolside environment looking good, ya know?

Gia was a wild card, I must say. It came down to 3 votes to kick off Elizabeth (which Kovacs would secretly orchestrate if he had a brain in his head) and 3 to kick off Gia. So David was the tie-breaker and he kept Elizabeth out of allegiance to Kovacs.

Coming up next week: the crew has got to publicly answer mean questions about other people in the house. Niiiiice! This show gets more shameless by the day. I love it.

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