Tuesday, February 8, 2011

I've been cheating

To the THOUSANDS of people who are my dedicated blog readers:

I have been cheating on Monday nights. “The Bachelor” can’t always fulfill my needs for trash reality TV and I recently discovered another Monday night delight: “RuPaul’s Drag Race.” It’s like a combo of American Idol (if they only lip synced), America’s Next Top Model (if they had dicks), and Project Runway (straight up) and it’s amazing. So I didn’t get a chance to see “The Bachelor” last night, which is a travesty since Brad & the Gals visited beautiful Costa Rica. Costa Rica is an amazing country that I visited a year ago with 6 friends in a gorgeous house. Yes, things DID “stop being polite and start getting real” just like the opening credits to that pioneer of reality TV. (Actually, no drama really went down. We had a blast, ate a whole lotta guac, hit the beach a bunch, and generally had a fantastic time.)

But back to “The Bach” as we call it in the biz.

I can’t tell you about Brad & the Gal’s ziplining or cloud walk or hot tub parties. But I *can* tell you who got booted off and what I think of those people. I’m full of opinions, people. (Seriously--here’s a sample platter for ya: Justin Bieber: dinky twerp whose career is like a joke on the American public; the entire wedding industry: a racket that pressures families to spend far too much money on ONE day; Oracle: one of the worst computer programs I’ve ever had the misfortune of working with; Hilights when too much purple dye is used: terrible and they make a 20-something look like an old lady; Sex & the City: a phenomenal show that was edgy for its time and dealt with real, important issues like abortion, divorce, and infidelity and is now mis-remembered as being silly and about only shoes.)

Where was I? Oh yes, proving that I have opinions (as if anyone doubts that). OK. So Brad booted off two ladies this week, or so NBC.com seems to say. Who was sent home?

Alli the sporty brunette who learned that her father was a cheater late in life. She seemed cool, but she was pushing it a bit too hard and trying to make it work.

Jackie the brunette “artist” (?) from New York, NY. Similar situation—I suspect that she was a bit too creative and smart for this season’s cardboard cutout bachelor, Brad.

Marissa the brunette girl who wore a tiara in her 2nd to last rose ceremony. The moment she even put that tiara on her brunette dome, she should have been immediately whisked from the mansion. Seriously, girl? A tiara!? A tiara on an adult is NOT cool. I don’t care if it’s your wedding (I’m looking at you, Mrs. Rudy Giuliani #3) or just a brunch in Brooklyn (I’m looking at you, crazy lady who ate next to me on New Year’s morning) or anytime. So Marissa, you were lucky to even get a trip to Costa Rica after the tiara situation.

That’s all for this week, pussycats. I promise I’ll watch next week. Until then, as RuPaul says, lip sync for your LIFE!

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