Bachelor Nick V. Hometowns: Olives, Okra, Scrapbooks

Pals!

As ever, I'm late.  I'm sorry!  Also, FYI next week I'll be away on vacation so my recap will be very, very late.  I know--how dare I take an Adult Spring Break getaway mid-season!?!?!  Who do I think I am: an unpaid blogger who is only doing this for the love of the game?

OK first, if you prefer to listen to two major Bachelor heads discuss this episode, you can do so here where my sweet pal Dava Krause and I discuss each episode mere moments after it has ended.

But here's my run down.  I need to keep this short, so we'll go with bulleted lists for the hometowns.

The episode kicks off in Bimini after Kristina has just been sent home and Corinne is STILL freaking out because she knows how to keep the attention on her.  Nick shows up to their paradise house with a handfull of roses ("I can't tell HOW MANY roses, though--I mean, what, should I use my eyeballs to count? Raquel always counts FOR me!" -Corinne) and conducts the most casual rose ceremony of all time, doing it right there on the couch.

So Raven, Corinne, Rachel, and Vanessa are each going to take Nick to their respective hometowns to meet their families and/or servants!!!

HOXIE, ARKANSAS -Raven's Hometown

• I'm a sucker for a Razorback because I have wonderful family in Arkansas (Searcy, what what!) and have visited that beautiful state numerous times.  
• Nick and Raven hop on some 4 wheelers to go mudding, drive through a friggin' swamp, then hop off their 4 wheelers to HOOK UP in said swamp.  Wowie zowie watching that swamp make-out made me want to get another Tetanus shot.  
• They go to hang out at the "grain bin" (felt very Dazed & Confused "party at the Moon Tower") where Raven's police officer brother BUSTS them and demands their papers. TRUMP'S AMERICA, people!!! 
• Everything about this date felt like a Top 40 country video come to life. 
• Nick meet's Raven's dad (newly cancer free!), mom (seems super sweet), brother again (barely ANY camera time at dinner) and everybody cries a lot. 
• Raven and her family ALL agree that they thought Nick would be a smug prick and are pleasantly surprised that he's not. He seems to get that a LOT. 
• Rather than saying "I love you" Raven tells Nick "there's no hesitation on my end of what becomes of this." How romantic!??!!?

DALLAS, TEXAS - Rachel's Hometown

• Rachel's outfit is classy and sexy--serious heels, black dress, white, sleeveless jacket thing over. Nice work! 
• Their daytime date is CHURCH and I am loving it! I'm impressed with how well ABC is talking about race head-on and also, putting Nick into situations where HE is the minority. 
• Rachel's church is what would probably be called a MegaChurch and they make a point to welcome Nick. Later on he says that "this a little bit different from my church at home" (ya think?) but that "Amen is Amen, ya know?" So corny. 
• Rachel and Nick de-brief then head to lunch with her family. Sadly, Federal Judge Dad won't be there (because he has "work obligations" on a Sunday afternoon (riiiight) and also probably doesn't want his face plastered all over TV). 
• Family lunch goes well and Nick properly identifies okra (10 points, whitey!) then has good conversations with everyone there. 
• Good points are made by Rachel's big sister and mother that while Nick and Rachel might be totally comfortable with being an inter-racial couple, society at large sometimes has issues with it and speaks out about it--especially in THIS political climate.  Those conversations were a sharp contrast to Corinne's date (up next) which was basically shop 'till you drop!! 
• Overall, great date but it was painful to watch, knowing that Rachel gets sent home soon!! 

MIAMI, FLORIDA - Corinne's Hometown 

• Date planned for a place that Corinne calls her "holy ground," THE MALL! HONK! BLECH! 
• Corinne and Nick shop like maniacs and Corinne does secret handshake with all of her BFF salespeople who have missed her over these last 6 weeks.  She drops $3,423.00 on a silver Amex and Nick breaks out in anxiety hives (as would I). 
• Over drinks in nearby restaurant, Corinne says "I love you" in the most adolescent, roundabout, robotic way and Nick responds, "it was a fun day today." Maybe these two idiots deserve each other? 
• They eat lunch with her family (mom, dad, sister who MAY have lip injections going on, and woman of the hour Raquel) and Nick is force fed homemade Greek olives. 
• Could those wine glasses have been ANY larger? Good Lord! 
• Corinne's dad raises important questions: can Nick support her or will she support him (she claims she's happy to support him--GOOD ONE, GIRL!) but for reals, will Nick ever have a job? 
• Dad and Nick have some laughs over single malt Scotch and as Corinne and Nick say goodbye, I wonder, maybe these two playful wackadoos are made for each other? What is going on here? 

Corinne enjoying her dinner. 

MONTREAL, QUEBEC, CANADA - Vanessa's Hometown

• First "activity" that Vanessa's students (developmentally disabled adults who seem like absolute GEMSTONE sweethearts) get to do is make a scrapbook about Vanessa and Nick! What fun for them! JK JK JK not at all! But hey, glue sticks! 
• Dead pan guy at that school was CRUSHING with his commentary. 
• Vanessa seems pretty hung up on Nick quickly learning Italian phrases and also memorizing all of the names of her relatives.  You realize he's on a friggin' TOUR of family dinners, right? 
• Vanessa's family dinner looks and feels like an Olive Garden commercial. 
• Vanessa's sister is full of threats and doubts and I love it. How is is that Nick and his final 4 have not discussed AT ALL their plans for what will come post-show, where they might live, stuff like that? 
• It always makes me sad when the show has to do TWO "meet the family" meals because of divorce. Meeting with Vanessa's dad and new wife is not super comfortable and Dad and Nick's 1:1 conversation is BRUTAL! Wooooowie. That was painful, and not just because that dad is a lil awkward and speaks with a thick accent. Dad was asking the important questions!! 
• How much did Vanessa's face FALL when she realized that Nick is going around asking EVERY dad if he can marry his daughter? OOof. That's a punch in the gut. Also, girl, have you watched the show before? Come on. 

Finally Nick heads to The William Vale, some ritzy hotel in Brooklyn that I have never seen or heard of, despite the fact that I live in that borough.  There's a whole lotta staring off at the NYC skyline and we get exactly what we thought we'd get, a surprise drop-in from NYC's newest resident, former Bachelorette Andi Dorfman.  But it will have to wait until next week. 

So we got 4 hometown dates, 0 people sent home, 2 extremely skeptical families, and a whole lot of wine drinking. Not too bad, but I'll be curious how the rest of this season plays out.  Stay tuned!