Last week I was derelict in my duty to report the goings-on in the whorehouse that is "The Bachelor Pad." I'm sorry, baby. On Friday night I was having a quiet night at home and I watched the episode from last week. Here is a quick run-down lest we forget the magical 2nd episode of this fledgling season:
-Krisily is becoming increasingly manipulative and crazy. Oh, and she had some organs removed and now she can't digest fat, so she won't participate in the pie eating contest. In classic "hot psycho" way, David Goode thinks this makes her a wimp. And I love him for it.
-Watching a pie eating contest is disgusting... especially when you're eating dinner while it's happening.
-Kiptyn's charm and good looks can make ladies (Nikki, specifically) do CRAZY things (such as, pull a total 180 on their "outsider" crew and vote off Craig M). Nikkie, gurl, I'm saying this woman-to-woman: you might want to ask the cameramen to NEVER shoot you from below. You can fake an OK jawline when you're shot from the same level or above, but from below, it's not pretty. I know how it works--everyone has his/her own issue. If I'm shot from the side, I look like the "before" photo from a rhinoplasty clinic. So I don't get shot from the side. See how that works?
-Gia is pretty, but people-- take it easy! This episode was like a love letter to Gia. Sure, she's cute, but the shape of her mouth reminds me of Jack Nicholson when he was the Riddler in Batman.
-Wes is a terrible person. Period. How is Gia falling for his bullshit confessions of love? Did she not see Jillian's season!? Get your head in the game, Gia! He's using you and your bizarro bad guy mouth!
-David and Jessie make out in the hot tub and it's a kiss of death, as she is promptly voted outta the house.
-Weatherman puts back some serious pie and reveals his crush on Gwen (age ??), reconfirming that he MUST be gay. He LOVES old ladies and drama.
-Craig M is voted off, which makes me somewhat glad, as his hair was too close to a preppy version of DJ Pauly D's sick weave.
-Elizabeth's brassy dye job and creepy manipulations are getting worse by the week. How does Kovacs tolerate her!?
-Jesse B ends his relationship with Natalie poolside. More singletons to swing & smooch!
I'm fired up for tonight's episode!