Bachelor Pad: Episode 4

Monday night was all about backstabbing, shit-talking, and champagne… and that was just my day at the office! (Zing… barf… I have been reading too much Jean Teasdale.) “The Bachelor Pad” was drama-filled and there was even discussion of bad implants! NBC is on a slippery slope toward becoming FOX, minus the right wing crazies.

Wes and David got into an argument about who is being real and genuine and who isn’t. I gotta side with David on this one (and that’s not only because I think he’s crazy hot (literally, unstable and dope) and I love the tattoo on his tricep) because I agree that yeah, the whole premise of this show is (ultimately) deception and fakery, so let’s stop pretending we’re all BFFs, ya know? It’s especially ironic that WES, of all people, is advocating for honesty and no bullshit. THIS, from the guy who was on Jillian’s season of The Bachelorette solely for his fledgling music career, and had a live-in girlfriend back in Austin. You’ve really turned your pathetic reality TV life around, huh, Wes? Is a certain country singer suddenly SINGING a different tune (barf)?

The challenge this week is that everyone had to answer some pretty harsh questions (Who has the worse implants? Who will always be a bridesmaid, but never a bride? Who is the biggest jerk?) in front of everyone else. A recipe for drama and I love it! Especially the implants question. Man oh man, what has our society come to?

Natalie is ranked as “always a bridesmaid” and ends up crying over it. Elizabeth and Krisily are called out for bad implants, Gwen is the winner of “dumbest” (ouch), and Wes is crowned the biggest jerk in the house (though he seems dumbfounded by this ranking). Post-challenge we get lots of shots of ladies crying in corners. I guess it makes for good TV…? Somehow, Elizabeth’s shame at being called out for bad implants brings her and Kovacs closer together as a couple, which brings ME farther away from thinking that Kovacs is a cool guy. I guess it was sweet that he comforted her, but she’s been so manipulative with him this entire time that I can’t help but think that she played up her the tears because she’s notoriously opportunistic.

Tenley wins the challenge and gets a 1:1 date with Kiptyn as her prize. As they stand perched atop a mountain, about to go ziplining, there is a TON of talk about taking their relationship “to a higher level” (barf). Kiptyn finally opens up and they spend a night in the fantasy suite together.

Jesse B. wins the challenge and gets a 1:1 date with Peyton, where he reminds her that he’s wicked young by burping, poking her, and teasing her. Peyton is completely turned-off by this behavior and she rejects the fantasy suite option. Awww snap! Grow up, Jesse B!

Let’s get to the good part, shall we? Natalie and David are keeping their supposed “secret relationship” (that seems to be so secret that it’s not even happening) so hush-hush that Krisily is macking it to David and it’s pretty uncomfortable. But she won’t be in the house for long, so who really cares.

That’s right, pussycats—Krisily and Wes got the boot this time around.

What happened? Well, Wes is creepy and weird and everyone hates him, so there’s that. Krisily was on the chopping block along with Gwen, but Kiptyn pushed his buddies (hottie Kovacs & hottie David) to spare Gwen for this round, so Krisily was out. She wasn’t especially fun or friendly when they all first arrived, and it finally bit her in the ass. On a lighter note, her eye make up and hair looked FANTASTIC at the rose ceremony, so she should take some comfort in that. What’s $250,000 if you have bad hair? You know how it is.

Next week, the couples get even more intense and Melissa Rycroft (the creepy co-host whose only job is to hand out roses and wear ill-fitting dresses that are too fashion-forward for her to pull off) gets even skinnier. I can’t wait!