The Bachelor: Episode 3

-The Bachelor producers must have given a firm directive that episode 3 was going to be all about opening up, revealing secrets, and being vulnerable because the honesty was flowing like cheap champagne at a sorority initiation ceremony (trust me, I know these things). It was so inorganic and forced, too, which made the whole thing somewhat laughable. There was definitely a sense of, “I’m waiting alone on this couch for Brad to come over so that I can tell him about my dead fiancée/dead father/cheating father/trust issues/trauma” and it happened over and over and over again.

-The first 1:1 date of the episode was with Ashley S. I love that Brad continued to call her “Ashley S.” throughout the date and when speaking to the camera. Oh yeah buddy, you’re making such a deep connection with this girl that you have to include the first initial of her last name so that you don’t mix her up with the OTHER Ashley. I love it. Their “date” is to sing “Kiss From a Rose” in a recording booth while a sound mixer shakes his head at them. Romance!! Then Seal shows up to serenade them and they awkwardly sit in on his recording session. I’ve been on better dates to a sandwich shop in downtown Utica (with a guy named “Big Evs” no less).

-A bunch of the ladies went on a group date to film action/adventure scenes on a movie set. How much more elaborate will these dates get? Give it a few seasons, and they’ll be like, “Get ready for a group date to a sweatshop in Indonesia where you each will get 30 seconds with the Bachelor, during which you’ll make Nike sneakers together!” In typical Michelle style, she was miserable because someone else received some of Brad’s attention. Girl, are you seriously 30 years old? It kinda feels like middle school around here (minus the zits and bad hair). They have a “wrap party” (which seemed about as cool as an elementary school “pizza party”) during which they screened their awful film “Love Hurts.” During said wrap party, Michelle lurked around and interrupted other ladies’ time with Brad, which is just poor form. I know that she’s certainly “not here to make friends” (the outsider’s lament), but can’t she just be semi-tolerable and respectful of others' time? Apparently not.

-The final 1:1 date is Emily and Brad FLYING to a winery, then eating dinner in a barn filled with hay and open flames. Talk about the potential for tragedy at every turn. It seems especially insensitive of the producers to have Emily, of all the girls, flying in a plane on camera. Her fiancée died in a plane crash and she finally shared this information with Brad, since this was “what’s YOUR source of sadness?” week.

-Vampire chick is having misgivings about being in the house, since, as she puts it: a lot of the women here really NEED this and I don’t even want it. Interesting way of putting it and surprisingly down-to-earth from a girl who wears fangs for teeth.

-I must say, as I said on Twitter, it blows my mind that The Bachelor has a girl who is a (wanna be) vampire, but not a SINGLE black girl or Asian girl. ABC really needs to step up and have a bit more diversity on the show. The biggest deal was when they had a bachelor who was divorced and had a kid—GASP!

-At the pre-rose ceremony cocktail party, Michelle told Brad that they were in the midst of their first fight. OMG I hate you so much. Are you going to play “Got You Last” next, cause that’s what the morons in my middle school were ALL about when they were trying to figure out how to flirt.

-Tons of tears throughout this entire episode. These girls must have stocked up on waterproof mascara (except for Sarah P.)

-Finally, the rose ceremony is upon us and Emily, Shawntel, and Ashley S. already had roses. In a dramatic turn, Madison (vampire girl) walked out mid-rose ceremony. As Chris Harrison would say, that’s UNPRECEDENTED! She decided to leave because she wasn’t 100% into it and I think she went on the show on a lark. Leaving is a stand-up move on her part.

-Who got the boot? Sarah P. and Kimberly. Two blondes down, which is bad for blonde-kind. They both seemed pretty bland though, so I’m not surprised. I think that if Madison hadn’t walked off, Stacey would have gotten the boot also. I love that she’s a fellow Masshole, but she needs to get some more “face time” (yes, that is the refrain of every girl on “Rock of Love”) with Brad pronto.

Until next week!